Thursday, 16 April 2015
So...what if I just stopped dating?
This million dollar question seeps into my mind every time I meet someone and, yet again, it doesn't work out. I meet someone, we go on a few dates...maybe even a fair number of dates...they seem really into me, I let my guard down and allow myself to get excited...it ends, and I think...what if I just stopped?
I have now spent two days staring at that question, deciding how serious I am and whether or not I could actually stop (I sound like a junkie). Somehow, this time, it feels like it just might be the epiphany I've been waiting for when it comes to my perpetually single life. Only not an epiphany at all since I chew on this idea a lot. But then I always manage to meet such a nice guy who, really, I should give a shot because how often do I meet an attractive, intelligent guy who just seems so...nice? Always. The answer is always: because every time I meet someone and I'm attracted to them they seem like such a great guy...until they're not.
I have done quite a bit of dating in the recent past. Ok...if I'm really honest, the last few years have been pockmarked with several mini-relationships that last between a few weeks to a couple of months. Each time I walk away more embittered with the idea of being a single who is ready to mingle. And each time, someone comes along, and despite feeling I should maybe just take a moment for myself...I throw caution to the wind and make out with them on a dance floor. Or we lock eyes across a pool in Mexico and BAM! I'm in a long-distance relationship. I'm consciously deciding to pursue whatever comes my way (while attempting to maintain some standards, of course) because there's this little voice at the back of my mind that wonders...what if I walk away from this new, fabulous guy and he turns out to be the one?
Answer: if I walk away and he's really the man of my dreams, he'll be back - and so will I.
So here is my thought today. Perhaps I should make a conscious decision not to date. I have always been boy-crazy. I've spent a large part of my life either in a relationship or seeking one out. What if I took a little break? Re-focused my energy on something else...like expanding my shoe collection, or really developing my palate for wine. I'm only half-kidding...I should probably curb my spending habits a little, but certainly not my wine intake.
I want to clarify one thing: I'm not saying this because everyone seems to think the foolproof strategy for dating is that you'll meet your soulmate when you're not looking; right when you least expect it. Everyone (and by everyone I mean many of my friends who are in relationships and met their husband/wife/significant other "just when they least expected it") likes to say this. As a single girl of a certain age who has met several people when I least expected it, I have the right to say, fuck off. Purposefully ceasing your dating efforts with the idea that you will magically find your knight in shining armour is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. I should start a blog solely dedicated to the stupid shit people say to single people.
I'm sure after a month-ish long absence this is not what you wanted to hear. Especially if you've just showed up, basked in my brilliance when it comes to writing about my doomed life as a single prairie girl (ha!) and then waited with bated breath for what would come next. This is a dating blog, for fuck's sake! How can I write about dating if I'm not going to date!?
Ummm, that's a valid question you have there. I can't really write a blog about dating if I don't date. But I'm becoming quite the expert on navigating the life of a single girl in a prairie city. So, there's that. Plus I have some very intelligent anecdotes to share (the emphasis here conveys sarcasm...I've been writing this blog for almost a year people, where the fuck is my sarcasm font!?). Like, do you think the creators of Back to the Future II (where Marty McFly travels ahead to October 2015) are disappointed in the reality of 2015 as compared to what they imagined? Because we don't have hover boards (unless the government is using them in top secret missions I'm not privy to) and my car flies but only because I do 140 km/h on the highway...
Buckle up folks, you just hopped onto my mental roller coaster and it's bound to be one hell of a ride.